S/T SURVIVED… Colt 45 Beer-Shits and the Supreme Mediocrity of the (Not So) Phenomenal Handclap Bland

Posted on May 13, 2009
Filed Under Reviews, S/T Survived | 2 Comments

In all seriousness…Brooklyn’s Wizardry.

Words and Photos by Aaron Richter

Irony aside, Colt 45 is nasty business. It neither goes down smooth, nor stays down without incident. Yet who are we to turn down free booze? Even if its stomach-bubbling grossness conjures memories of college-dorm Edward Fortyhands competitions (tip: wear sweatpants). Tuesday evening at Park Slope’s Southpaw, Colt 45 debuted its new 7 oz. quick shooters (think piss in an Orangina bottle) with performances by Wizardry, Golden Triangle and the Phenomenal Handclap Band. What’s the point, you might be asking yourself, of such small malt liquor doses? Keep in mind, that’s six (!) bottles to equal the retardedness of just one 40. Small might be fun and cute and all that jazz, but isn’t the point to get righteously fucked? Which is exactly what self-titled felt required to do, despite our better judgement.

As far as the bands, Brooklyn’s Wizardry is a costumed metal act that performs with a trapeze artist. self-titled’s better half called the group a “metal version of Scissor Sisters,” which is more accurate than anything we could come up with ourselves. We found ourselves annoyed but thoroughly entertained. Golden Triangle slings swift and noisy shake-’em-on-down garage rock peppered with B-52s vocals (the evening’s finest treat), and the Phenomenal Handclap Band waters down everything you love about dance music into a lifeless, overly calculated, expectation-tarnishing disappointment. Or maybe it was just the bottled swill that had us fleeing for the bathroom, dampening the headliner’s set. Who knows? Check out photos after the jump.