Réelle Explores the Extremes of BDSM Relationships in “Kissing Myself” Video


With Danse Noire set to celebrate its fifth anniversary at Berlin’s iconic Berghain club this Thursday, we can’t think of a better introduction to the label’s fearless music than the video below. Taken from the debut EP (Kissing Myself) and subsequent LP (Ghamccccxx vRR) of the Cuban-German artist Réelle, it’s all part of an intense effort “to navigate their art through schizophrenia and queer erotic practice.”

“‘Kissing Myself’ can be seen as a positive statement encouraging unconditional self love,” explains the producer. “As we are hopefully progressing towards a future utopia, I think it is crucial to first accept and embrace our true nature as human beings and individuals in order to be able to spread positivity.”

Watch the NSFW clip here, right alongside some crucial in-depth commentary from co-director Rachel De La Torre (a.k.a. Lamb Kebab)…

There are a lot of elements that go into a BDSM relationship. We’ve all heard the mantra “Safe, Sane and Consensual”. At its core, it’s an act of controlled violence for mutual pleasure but this comes with a lot of real life contradictions; that’s what makes it fun and extraordinary. The topic of controlled violence is particularly restricted and taboo because it stems from a male-dominated history of aggression. The fun comes with the ambivalence and the adventure of trying to playfully transcend social and gender boundaries together, in a society shaped by patriarchal violence and male domination.

At some point in history, allowing a woman to feel good about dominating a situation became unacceptable. A woman who knows what she wants and states it is often regarded as arrogant and pushy. Even within a D/s Femdom relationship I have experienced the expectations of performing in line with my gender. A little over a century ago, alpha male and cocaine aficionado Sigmund Freud argued the roles of gender violence, presenting men to be sadistically inclined and women as masochistically inclined.

Not only is this inaccurate but damaging. “Be a man, don’t be a pussy,” they say. If done with trust and respect, the focus of someone’s sadistic attention can be such an intimate and rewarding experience. I believe every woman should own at least one slave in her lifetime. Upset some unspoken rule, acknowledge the animalistic aspect of human nature, and have the freedom to act unburdened by toxic masculinity. In the end, mutual respect and acknowledgement are paramount for the pleasure of Domme and Slave alike.