By Aaron Richter

Transforming from a bespectacled indie-rock dweeb into a burgeoning metal head isn’t easy. First, there’s the feeling of discouraging ignorance, that no matter what you’re listening to, now matter how fantastic it is, you simply like it because, well, it’s metal and you either heard or read somewhere that it’s supposed to be good. Maybe let’s call that a lack of discerning taste. This can be acquired easy enough. And with enough dedication you’ll be touting the merits of Dopethrone and impressing friends at parties with your sub-basic knowledge of Øystein Aarseth’s murder.

A much more difficult mountain to climb, so to speak, is the girlfriend. She can’t be ignored. Or disregarded. No, that won’t do. Because she’s hot and awesome. And no Matt Pike bellow or Mick Harris blast beat is worth losing the love of your life over. (Unless, of course, she sucks, in which case this article is probably not for you.) Any true metal obsession means that she’ll be forced to digest extreme music at least once a day, intentionally or not. And for the uninitiated, that’s a lot to bear. Thus, altering her tastes becomes a conquest of sorts, one in which you must triumph. Here are ten necessary steps to victory.